i don't know how to raise an artist or fully BE one quite yet. i just know my mom was studying art when she got pregnant with me, and then she turned responsible. or something like that. her paints were replaced with chemistry and anatomy text books. my take-away was that art was a fine hobby, but not something to raise a family on. drawing, painting, stenciling, printing, stitching, sewing ... i want to immerse myself in self-expression and creation, but how do i do this and raise a family? or at least give my daughter a different take-away about being artistic. 

i love the idea of making things with my five-year-old, but the reality is i shy away from actually doing it. she often copies what i draw and compares her drawings to mine - so i remind her that it takes practice to draw certain shapes; i lecture and deconstruct the notion of something being 'perfect.' what is the eternal hang-up with perfection? kids start to see photo realistic drawings as more 'perfect' since they imitate the thing being drawn, why is that better? i want something different, something more impressionistic. something unplanned, something with feeling and surprise.

i made a dozen sketches of this deer with pencil, pen, sumi ink - working to get it 'just right.' at times it felt like perfectionism was getting the better of me, or was i just searching for balance, harmony of line and shape and not easily satisfied? unprompted, and in an effort to get my attention, my daughter made her own interpretations of what she saw. to my eyes her deer drawing was raw and spontaneous- something that years of practice can only impede upon if approached in a certain way. i got a chance to see through her eyes. so why don't i initiate collective creativity more often?

i don't draw with her because i don't want to be interrupted, i have an idea of how i want to do things and i start to get uptight about her not 'messing up' what i am working on. what a terrible message. what about focussing on the process over product? how can i turn this ship around?

i am not alone in the 'don't scribble in my sketchbook' sentiment, which i realized after reading busy mockingbird's post about collaborating with her four-year-old daughter. giving up control is key. as she puts it: 

Those things you hold so dear cannot change and grow and expand unless you loosen your grip on them a little.

 and

...I should know that in most instances, kids’ imaginations way outweigh a grownup’s, and it always ALWAYS looked better that what I had imagined.  ALWAYS.

writing this blog gives me an opportunity to grow in this department. relax. let my daughter teach me. forget what i think i know. spend more time getting messy, less time getting it 'right.' a work in progress.